You Know It’s Over: So Why Are You Hanging On?
Most people want to be in an intimate relationship. It does something for our psyche. It makes us feel safe - a part of someone a part of something that allows us to feel safe, even invincible. Having a partner or a spouse usually satisfies at least three of the Six Human Needs, which are Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth and Contribution.
When you’re in a satisfying relationship, most if not all these needs are met. However, many romantic unions begin as satisfying and dissolve into less than what’s expected. When a relationship transitions into something that’s not working, many people continue to remain in the bathetic crucible and complain that they’re unhappy. Because you enjoy someone’s company and you share things of a common nature, doesn’t mean you have met your ideal mate. If you don’t share the same life and relationship goals, if what you see beyond the imaginary horizon doesn’t match the vision of your partner, then that person is not for you.
To help you with your courage, read my book The Honey Jar, perhaps one of the personal stories will help you.
Your intuition’s been telling you that s/he is the wrong person. You’ve been together for over three years and one of you wants a permanent commitment to be married and the other is happy with things being just the way they are. Steve Harvey, in his book Straight Talk, No Chaser calls this The Standoff. Although this book is written primarily for women, because in our culture women are usually the ones who are pushing for marriage, it also applies to men. Steve says, “Men understand why you stay. You rationalize it’s better to keep us and be halfway happy, even if you don’t get your wedding day …than to risk being alone.”
As stated in the beginning of this article, being in a relationship allows you to feel safe. Yet your power and strength come from the inside. Not from a man, a woman or a relationship. Until you understand your worth and recognize your true power, everyone you encounter will know how you feel about yourself and will treat you that way. The commitment will not materialize until you’ve made the commitment to you. Then you will really be invincible!
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