“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”
-Bernice Johnson Reagon
When I realized many people in committed relationships find it challenging to be honest and authentic with their partners, I opened the conversation to some of my clients so they could weigh in on the topic. They explained how vulnerability and transparency, two crucial components of true intimacy, were the biggest challenges. People disclosed that they fear being ridiculed or rejected and not seen by the ones they love.
What came from that finding was my first book, The Honey Jar: Tips and tools for couples…which includes my formula for finding self-love - THE HONEY JAR
If we want to experience a true and loving relationship, we must accept ourselves just the way we are and self-acceptance or self-love can be a challenge in and of itself – it’s like walking a labyrinth.
Formula: Courage, Faith, Trust, Honesty
COURAGE
Self-love requires courage. It takes courage to be yourself, allowing your mate to see you. That can’t really happen if you’re not authentic. When you’re afraid that your partner may not feel the same way about you, once they learn your other facets, either you have personal changes to make, or the person you’re with isn’t your person.
FAITH
Did you know that every time you conspire negative feelings about yourself or your capabilities, you deny there’s an Infinite Intelligence, (God, Source, The Universe) that created you, and breathes you each day? Although you can’t see it, it’s here and it has your back. That is what we have faith in. Our higher power. The quote below is from The Honey Jar, stated by one of my former students.
“Faith can hold us together and tear us apart. The day I found faith within myself was the day I gave up. I gave up trying to be someone I wasn’t trying so hard to please others, and more over, I gave up on the belief that something was wrong with me.”
TRUST
Once you have faith, there’s trust. Trust and faith go hand in hand, as they are twin components operating on different planes. Trust is on a human, horizontal level of emotions, and feelings. It works in this dimension; we trust in people or things. We trust in our faith as we navigate the world on our journey. You’ve got to trust that you’re good enough.
HONESTY
Honesty in all relationships is the foundation of any relationship, especially the one you have with yourself. Until you can lay all your cards on the table and look yourself in the eye when it’s just you and You, there’s work that must be done.
“Self-love requires you to be honest about your current choices and thought patterns and undertake new practices that reflect self-worth.”
-Caroline Kirk
Tips: Faith in a higher power, trust in yourself, courage to face your fears, and the ability to be honest with yourself, is the formula that will take you to the center of the labyrinth, where you’ll find self-love.
You deserve to become more acquainted with you, and to love who you see.
Schedule your free consultation now!
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Dr. Lateefah Wielenga
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